Nobody ever listens to D. Trump, so he has to record things in writing - to clear his name, and to point out that the unfortunate things that happen to him are very rarely his fault. He has a moany sister, a mum who cooks brown goo and a dog who inhales socks. PLEASE NOTE: D. Trump sometimes has a bit of help with his writing from a lady named Jackie Marchant, who lives in north-west London.